>Having trouble closing the deal? Have no fear, The Naked Man is here. After Ted walks in on Robin's date sitting in nothing but his birthday suit, the gang learns of an absurd, yet profoundly simple, technique that's bound to get you some — well, two out of three times, at least. And how did the quintet deal with it? Let's dive in!It's been one month since Stella ditched Ted and he's already back on the prowl, ever so carefully. After delicately and silently navigating his way through a week's worth of daily elevator rides, Ted musters the courage to ask Vicky out — after of course performing verbal diarrhea by announcing he was dumped at the altar. As he heads home, FutureTed tells us the story's going to take a turn for the worse. Recounting all the crazy things he's seen in the apartment (Lily painting male acrobats; Barney locked in a water tank; gun-toting Robin threatening gun-toting burglars; and, of course, Missy the Goat), Ted says nothing compares to what he was about to walk in on — Mitch lounging nude on the sacred red couch. Mitch then reveals the reason behind his buff-ness: It's his "move." When you're not much of a catch and the date is pretty much going nowhere, it's safe to play the Naked Man hand, where you disrobe when the lady's out of the room and wait for her to come back to "shock and awe." The surprise nudity induces laughter and then, apparently, sex. It works two out of three times, Mitch guarantees. Sounds crazy, no? Everyone brushes off the Naked Man as well, believing Robin would never fall for such a lame move. But lo and behold, she did — Mr. Wang secret sign and all.Mitch's score leaves Barney speechless — the Naked Man has revolutionized the one-night stand. He is not worthy. "I'm like Batman. But this Mitch — he's Superman. He just rips off his clothes and is good to go." Still, the gang can't believe it worked on Robin, leading Marshall to call her a slut because "the only thing standing between you and sex is clothes." On the defense, Robin struggles to explain their "connection of specialness and feelings," but is adamant she didn't sleep with Mitch because he was naked. "There's only one reason to sleep with someone," Marshall the "big girl" says — and that's for love. Aww. Tear. Sensitive Marshall rocks! Now if only he'd cut his hair. Anyhow, this leads to a discussion of reasons to have sex, for which Lily starts compiling a list, which includes make-up sex, break-up sex, couldn't sleep sex, curosity sex, nothing on TV sex, expiring condoms, "getting hard" (That's what she said!) sex and "cheetos" sex. Soon talk turns back to the Naked Man. Barney is dead set on "suiting down" that night and urges Ted to do so as well with Vicky. Meanwhile, Robin sets out to defend her non-slut dignity and Lily works on her list. Inside his potential conquest's apartment (where he's gonna see her aquarium...is that what we call it these days?), Barney retreats to the bathroom to strip down and call Ted...who reveals he's going for the Naked Man as well after his dinner with Vicky went south. Here we get a series of strategically angled shots of "naked" Ted and Barney floating their Naked Man poses — Superman, Captain Morgan, Oops! I Didn't See You There, The Thinker, The Heisman, Mr. Clean, The Burt Reynolds, Coppertone Baby or Olympic Gynmast Who Stuck The Landing (another Olympics reference this season — be still my heart!). As he's nude-posing, Ted notices a book of poems by his personal fave, Pablo Neruda, on the coffee table, bookmarked to his favorite. Thinking they may be meant for each other after all, he gets dressed and asks Vicky about the poems. She says a guy left it there and the "turd" of a book is in "Mexican." We know what this means: Naked Man. It works.Back at Lily and Marshall's apartment, Marshall's livid over Lily's list because he's now figured out why flossing gives him an erection — sex to "reinforce good behavior." But there was no flossing here — Lily pulls the Naked Wo-Man to "change the subject" and because she loves him — reason No. 50. Her pose, by the way, is I've Got Boobs. As for Robin, she tries her damndest to connect with Mitch, who calls her on the "I'm Not a Slut Date" and tells her to just admit she slept with him because he was naked. She brings him by MacLaren's, but when Marshall tells her she's not a slut anymore, it's bye-bye Mitch. "We all tried the Naked Man," a grateful Ted tells Mitch. But wait, what about Barney? They give him a ring. His date answers. Turns out, the two out of three ratio is correct. Disgusted, his date threw Barney out into the cold, suitless and in all his naked glory.As for Mitch, well, like any great superhero, when his job's done, it's time to go. A toast to Mitch, y'all!Funny ep, but I could see why some may not enjoy it. It requires more suspension of disbelief than we're used to for this show, and the Naked Man theory itself is kinda ridiculous. I dunno about you, but if I saw a naked guy on my couch I'm not even remotely attracted to, the first thing I do is not going to be laughing at his "charm," but hey, whatever floats your boat. The Naked Man poses were pretty spectacular — if only because NPH looks amazing without a shirt. Again. Sigh. And the Reasons for Sex list? Get the WHOLE list right here. Doesn't Lily have nice handwriting?What did you think? Does The Naked Man really work? Is it guaranteed two out of three times? Was Robin a slut for falling for it? Has Barney got one-night stands wrong all along? Are you surprised Ted tried the Naked Man? Do you agree with Lily's list? What other Nicholas Sparks tearjerker would you recommend for Marshall and his book club? (I call A Walk to Remember!)

>As society and culture has evolved, our ancient ancestors, the cavemen, have found themselves relegated to a punch line. No longer thought of as the bridge from past to present, today they're the wacky inhabitants of Bedrock, the elongated face of your car insurance, or a high school student who, upon de-thawing, attends Encino High with Pauly Shore and a hobbit. But I say the time has come to give these Neanderthals (are they people? I'm not sure) their due. After all, they gave us the wheel. They gave us fire. And based on cave paintings found in Bulgaria over the weekend, they gave us: The Naked Man. Primitive? Yes. While modern-day man may have more sophisticated means at his disposal to seduce a woman (eg., alcohol, Barry White), let's not forget these pre-historic innovators were fearless. Not only did they live among saber-tooth tigers and dangerous wooly mammoths, but also lady cavemen who were really, really hairy. Below are the aforementioned cave paintings and a description by a legendary archaeologist who prefers to remain anonymous. Let's just say he survived a temple of doom, a last crusade, and some really stupid crystal aliens. STEP 1:You and the woman you clubbed enjoy rotting deer carcass by torch light. STEP 2:Your woman steps out to use the little girl's cave. You take off your loin cloth. STEP 3:Delighted by your boldness and unharnessed masculinity, you make the two-humped mastodon. This works... two out of three times.

>Well, folks, I made it to the Dancing with the Stars finals with my sanity relatively intact. Thanks to all of you for making my introduction to ballroom relatively painless, and, dare I say, relatively fun. Monday's performance show will include recaps of the contestants' favorite dances, something The Berge calls a "samba smackdown" (God help me) and the much-vaunted freestyle dance, which I hope includes Mission: Impossible-style wirework and something scary like Mummenschanz's clay faces. Lance, Brooke and Warren each have their strong points, to be sure, but in my estimation, Brooke seems to have the edge at the moment if for no other reason that she has been overwhelmingly consistent throughout the season. (We won't mention last week's unpleasantness.) Is it bad, therefore, that I am secretly (OK, not so secretly) hoping for an upset of gigantic proportions? Barring that, just seeing Cloris Leachman again will probably sustain me until the next season starts in March 2009. Are you ready? Read on to see who shone in Monday's proceedings. BROOKE BURKE and Derek HoughBrooke and Derek chose to show us their quick-step again. It's very smooth and polished, and I'm sure they're doing it right, but that step in particular looks a little too "hoppy" for my taste. But Brooke looks beautiful and Derek is, as usual, an enthusiastic partner. Their paso doble, on the other hand, holds up for me. They both really acted the part, and I still like this choice of classical music, although I still have no idea what it's called. Brooke's insanely voluminous skirt goes a long way to conveying the dance's drama, as she could have an entire village's worth of field mice under there and we'd never know. LANCE BASS and Lacey SchwimmerL&L show us their tango again, which I remember as their "goth dolls come alive" routine. It's very impressionistic and quick, and I like the demented story they're trying to tell. Their mambo is one that I remember mostly for the fun music and Lacey's "pooping fabric" dress. The high-energy routine is really fun though, and the "lyrics" to the song ("7/lips/5/fingers") are just weird enough to make me pay attention. I particularly liked Lacey's cool freeze-frame back bend and their crazed series of over-the-head arm swings, which really worked rhythmically with the song. WARREN SAPP and Kym JohnsonI love this couple; they really appear to like each other, and it shows. Warren and Kym first show us their Viennese waltz, which stands out in my mind because Warren's suit is pink and wine, which is a color combination that makes me gag, but also because once the music slows down a bit, it's easy to see how smooth Warren is on his feet. It's a great dance. Their paso doble makes me giggle to see their sparkly, Matrix-inspired, full-length pleather coats again. I actually think all that fabric might have gotten in their way a bit. They do some nice spins at the end, but then there's that awkward final moment where Warren didn't quite do what he was supposed to with his coattails. Very distracting. Warren promises "a whole lot of something you've never seen before" tonight. I can't wait. This season's junior champions, Craig and Samantha (brother and sister? I can't remember), dance the jive for us, and they're certainly competent. I'm ordering flat-screens, Adidas track suits and cupcakes off Amazon.com for them as we speak, but I still think kid dancers are creepy. Filler. Trash talk before the samba smackdown and the freestyle dancers. "Don't look away. Anything can happen," says Len. From your lips to the ballroom gods' ears, big guy. Now the finalists walk down the stairs, and it's like the whole show is starting over again. What's happening? Did my TiVo just hiccup? What's going on here? I'm disoriented. Mommy? Len says the judges think the best three couples have advanced to the finals, and I agree. And we're on to the samba smackdown! Whatever that is! Uh-oh, Brooke can't remember her steps. Lance is worried because the samba isn't his strongest dance. Warren got the worst scores in the samba. This could be delicious. Smack talk flies at the group rehearsal, and the couples hold back on showing their moves, lest they tip off the competition. All right, dance already! Jeez! I think it was very resourceful — and ecologically minded — of Samantha to craft her hairpiece by shaving down the pet Sasquatch that she keeps in the solarium at home. There is so much hair on her head I am surprised she isn't wearing a Bedazzled brace to keep that slender neck aloft. If this routine doesn't work out, I will definitely blame it on the boogie. There, I said it. Brooke and Derek do a very competent solo, but it doesn't seem very samba-y to me. Lance and Lacey are similarly enthusiastic, and, it must be said, decidedly more Latin in flavor. Warren and Kym tear it up. The group portion is fun. I was worried when they assumed the "ring around the rosey" position, but it quickly morphed into a group lift that was very cool-looking. I give the round to Lance and Lacey since their choreography was overall more interesting and appeared to have a higher degree of difficulty. What up, Jamie Lynn Sigler? Len thinks they all did a better samba than during the season. Bruno gives them the same criticisms that he has given them all season. Carrie Ann says Lance is the one to beat, Warren is the most improved, and Brooke is the best at technical nuance. Brooke and Derek earn 28 points.Lance and Lacey earn 26 points.Warren and Kym earn 25 points. And now! The freestyle round! BROOKE BURKE and Derek HoughBrooke and Derek are planning a lot of crazy lifts and at least one pervy combination somersault. Since Derek's back is hurting, they practice their lifts in a pool, which looks pretty messy actually. They've (very wisely, I think) chosen to dance to "You're the One That I Want" from Grease, sending many a post-teen heart aflutter with memories of their own sexual development as it was aided by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John. The dance is kicky and flirty, and includes some pretty athletic lifts, jumps, at least one shoulder ride and that creepy somersault, which actually doesn't look that bad. They have a nifty costume reveal for Brooke about halfway through, revealing really slutty stuff underneath. Way to play to your audience, lady. Bruno says "follow that — you are the one that we all want." He says they ended up in positions he's only see in the Kama Sutra. (Um, ew.) Carrie Ann says they brought it. Len got "all hot under the collar." Both Bruno and Len say it's the best freestyle they've ever seen. They get a perfect 30, and I'm nervous that that means that this competition is essentially over. LANCE BASS and Lacey SchwimmerI'm guessing from their costumes that they're dancing to Run-DMC — let's see if I'm right. Lance says he's ready to take that trophy home, so they've chosen hip-hop. I'm concerned. Aha! "It's Tricky" by Run-DMC. (Never doubt me.) I like their dance. It's a nice change of pace from all the Viennese blah-blah-blah, but, I have to say, I think technically the choreography is lacking. I can already hear the judges saying that this isn't So You Think You Can Dance. They end with a funny nod to last week's show mishap, but I. Am. Very. Concerned. Carrie Ann thinks there was a section that didn't work for her. Len sings a few bars of "It's Tricky," which warms the cockles of my cold, black heart. He actually liked it! I'm very surprised. Bruno says a bunch of stuff, and ends with "very good." They earn a solid 27, which I think is generous. And I'm a fan. WARREN SAPP and Kym JohnsonWarren is excited for the freestyle round because his little girl told him that it's when he gets to "swing [Kym] around and lift [her up]." Aw. Kym acknowledges that they're going into the freestyle as the underdog couple. They dance to Ike and Tina Turner's "Proud Mary," which is hot. I see silvery stuff peeking out from under their red and black outfits, which makes me think there's another costume reveal in store for us. My first observation is that the beginning part of the routine is nice and deliberate, but maybe too slow. It really explodes into life once they take their clothes off. Kym's costume is shedding like a silver-plated English sheepdog. Their lifts are fun, but overall I think their effort is kind of ordinary — even with "Proud Mary" on their side. Len says Warren is an absolute star, and that this show isn't just about dancing, it's about entertainment, and that nobody can touch him in that department. Bruno says "resistance is futile; lay back and enjoy the ride." Carrie Ann says it was her favorite freestyle, which means she is clearly in the tank for Warren. But her inner bitch rears its well-coiffed head to point out that she noticed a mistake. Ugh. They earn a 28, including a 10 from Len, which really shocks me. The Berge locates a tiny piece of silvery detritus and observes that "on Edyta, this is a whole costume." Oh, Berge!  To recap, the leaderboard: Brooke and Derek earned 58.Lance and Lacey earned 53.Warren and Kym also earned 53. So who do you think will take home that tackier-than-the-corkboard-over-my-desk mirrorball trophy? More than any other week this season, I think Brooke and Derek really stood out both technically and entertainment-wise, but I know there are those of you out there who will surely disagree. Let your voices be heard one last time in the comments section below! Watch clips and full episodes of Dancing with the Stars in our Online Video Guide